21 December 2008

I <3 the muppets

16 December 2008

my prayer.

psalm 119:33-40 teach me o lord the way of your statutes and i shall keep it to the end. give me understanding and i shall keep your law. indeed i shall observe it with my whole heart. make me walk in the path of your commandments, for i delight in it. incline my heart to your testimonies and not to covetousness. turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things, and revive me in your way. establish your word to your servant, who is devoted to fearing you. turn away my reproach which i dread, for your judgements are good. behold i long for your precepts; revive me in your righteousness.

10 November 2008

the begining of wisdom.

hi everybody!
im home and currently at the Coffee Ethic, my new favorite place.
its good to be back. the transition has been harder than i expected. i am beginning to see clearly the fruit of last month. I have alot different perspective, am extra sensitive (not in a cute"aww, how sensitive" way, but more of the way things hit me) and am spending alot more time alone in prayer and worship. I am finding alot of freedom and focus in my prayers.

i want to share about some things that God is keeping my heart set on.

one thing that i began to desire over the last month was wisdom. the Bible talks so, so much of wisdom and its importance. i can point to several scriptures that talk about wisdom and this post could probably use to be alot longer than its going to be. but i dont want to wait until i have time to spend hours (thats an understatement) to write out all that is required of wisdom.

So, what does arin have to say on wisdom? i dont really know. I do know that its huge and God has not allowed me to stray from it in the last 2 weeks. I started thinking about wisdom, or rather i started being curious about wisdom and in my prayers i began asking God, "Give me wisdom!" then that turned to "what is Wisdom? and other trails.

So, then sure enough i found myself in Proverbs, and I was absolutely struck when i began reading i found a nugget,
Proverbs 9:10
"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.

then i began asking, "Ok God, I have no clue what the fear of the Lord is, how can i EVER begin to understand that?" and i love how faithful He is. So in my prayers that week i was led to begin reading and praying the proverbs everyday. I really like that there are 31 of them, so i am spending some time every day praying the wisdom of scripture whatever day of the month it is. That happened around the 24th of October so i read Proverbs 24. Of course, almost every proverb talks about wisdom, but i kept it up (and maybe i got ahead, oops!) and found an answer, which i feel like is a little hidden secret.

(side note) I love it when in scripture there are statements that are so direct that you cannot miss it. like the fear of the Lord IS the beginning f wisdom. i love finding IS statements, you cannot escape the truth, its spelled out for you.

So the thing that popped out like a secret that opened my heart was Proverbs 2 right at the beginning of Proverbs Solomon begins to unpack words his Dad gave him about Wisdom and how to obtain it.

Proverbs 2

The Value of Wisdom
1 My son, if you receive my words,
And treasure my commands within you,
2 So that you incline your ear to wisdom,
And apply your heart to understanding;
3 Yes, if you cry out for discernment,
And lift up your voice for understanding,
4 If you seek her as silver,
And search for her as for hidden treasures;
5 Then you will understand the fear of the LORD,
And find the knowledge of God.
6 For the LORD gives wisdom;
From His mouth come knowledge and understanding

I love it! right here it spells it out for us.

I dont want to cheapen it to a formula, but there are specifics here that i have been led to pray for every day.
1. receive my words
2. treasure up my commandments
3. make your ear attentive to wisdom
4. incline your heart to understanding
5. call out for discernment
6. raise your voice for understanding
7. seek wisdom and understanding like silver
8. search for her as for hidden treasures

and here it is. If we do these things, our promise is that we "will understand the fear of the LORD, And find the knowledge of God."
I badly want to behold wisdom and the fear of the Lord and my spirit feels the importance of these things. SO im praying this every day, every chance i get im asking God to give me grace to understand/receive these things. As of yet, i have no deep insight on it, but im hanging out in it, praying every day that i might receive, and i really believe in the Faithfulness of the Lord. While i am praying Proverbs 2, i am leaning heavily on Luke 11:9
"So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." and Luke 18:7 the parable of the persistent widow and I am believing that He is faithful to answer.

I will probably post a few more times on wisdom, because there is a whole bunch more and i dont feel God letting up anytime soon. As i get insight on this i will share, i promise. But for now, im just meditating on this.

if any of you has deep insight on wisdom, i urge you please share. love to hear others thoughts on wisdom.


Jenn gets back tomorrow, i get to go pick her up from KC. Shes been in Iceland with ZHOP, having an amazing time. That place is breathtaking, and you know how pictures Hardly do any justice to show beauty, im not kidding these pictures ive seen on Jenns facebook are absolutely phenomenal and i can only imagine the beauty of being surrounded by it. I love seeing the beauty of the Lord through the Earth.

I've missed Jenn and im really looking forward to seeing her. Almost as soon as i got back home, i was driving her to the airport. Tomorrow i have the day off and i am gonna go pick her up so Im excited!

i think thats it for now, sorry if this is long but im hoping people read this.


01 November 2008

coming home.

I'm halfway home. I am in the chicago airport and eating lunch. I have a couple hour layover. Jenn is picking me up at the Kc airport around 430,and I'm really excited to see her.

Nothing else at least for now.

25 October 2008

real quick

camping was great.
i come home soon.
felt lonely lately.
better now, though.
learning lots.
growing lots.
how are you all doing?


22 October 2008

nature and the boys.

Im going camping with a few guys from ZHOP. I'm really excited about this, i think were really gonna get to rough it. I am looking forward to being inconvenienced.
We're getting up early, taking a 2 hour drive up to linville, NC gonna grab some breakfast backpack and hike a couple miles up the grandfather mountain, eat some lunch and hang out on the top of this beautiful peak, hike back down and set up camp, I am way excited about this.
I think this shall be an excursion my soul has been needing. If any body knows me, im really not an outdoors-y person. I mean I'm just not experienced in it. I love being out in it, I've just never really prepared for it. So Im giving it all I've got tomorrow. Taking my pack, alotta water, some Hummus and chips, granola, my adidas samba hiking shoes(ha!), my bible and a joyful spirit. gonna spend some time with nature and the boys.

14 October 2008

realization: I am weak and I dont Know much.

For the last couple of days God has been working on my heart. When i say working, its more like breaking. The closer I get to the Lord the more He begins to shift my mindset. Then I begin to realize how many thoughts I have that are not rooted in Him, but rooted in fear, worry or insecurity. Believe it or not God is still working on me in the same passage that He spoke to me when i got here which is Luke 10 and being like Mary. He keeps exposing areas in my heart and He shows me a new part of that Scripture or gives me a new perspective on it.

For instance, Jesus calls out Martha and says that she is "anxious and troubled about many things. . ." I must say that I am guilty of this. As I read Psalm 27 that says "Be still and know that I am God" I feel like God is saying to me, if i KNOW Him, and i mean, really, understand His ways, that i would not live in a spirit of fear/worry. And, If I understand the nature of God, that He is Good (and these are all phrases that have been good phrases to hear but have been empty to me or at least have not gotten beyond my head in the past), But if i really believe that He IS who He says He is, I would live differently.

I love looking up words at dictionary.com and I have been doing that alot with words in the Bible to gain a deeper understanding upon what they mean. And as i think about the word "Know" Knowing God really changes a person.
look it up!

1.to perceive or understand as fact or truth; to apprehend clearly and with certainty
2.to be able to distinguish, as one from another: to know right from wrong.

These are a couple of the, oh, 12 meanings of the word. I like the one that says "to be able to distinguish as one from another", and if we Know God, we would live differently because we would know when something opposes Him, like lies that we are fed from the enemy or whatever it is that is NOT God. If we know Him, know Him, then His truth penetrates our hearts and minds (especially our heart though) and we live lives worthy of His calling.

Learning alot about myself this week. Learning how God sees me and just wants to be with me. The more time I spend in the prayer room the more I see Pauls comparison to running the race. So, I find myself going from working out spiritually about maybe an hour a week to 6 HOURS a day! believe me it is NOT EASY! To be honest i find myself searching for anything else to do (like eat or check my phone or email or call winnie.), but the more I'm in Gods presence waiting for Him and searching out His heart, the more I want to be with Him and want nothing else. The reward is great!

I actually ran this week once and realized how weak i am, but it felt really good afterwards. I know that my prayer muscles are incredibly weak, and i am strengthening muscles i didnt know i had. Trying to press through even when i am empty and have nothing else to pray. This happens often, but whats great is that He doesnt care. And am realizing that i dont even care if I gain any understanding but i just want to be before Him, I dont care any more if i feel anything, because its not how much blessing I can recieve, but how much i can love on Him and bless Him. So i quite often am finding myself exhausted at the end of my days.

I hope that some sense can be made of my thoughts, i write in a somewhat stream of conscious style. I dont know whats gonna come next until im there, but i think this helped me even see what God has been doing in me.

SO i pray that God uses what little revelation I have gotten on who He is, to encourage people to pray and really seek Him.

One last thing that Jenn shared with me tonight that put some things in perspective for me, is Matthew 6:33 that says "seek first the kingdom and his righteousness and all these things shall be added to you" God calls us to seek Him, and what does it mean to "seek" Him? not that we seek answers to our problems or even seek some sort of encounter or revelation, just that we look for Him and wait for Him even when we get absolutely nothing. He loves that we seek Him. He promises in Matthew 7 that When we seek, we shall find. so thats good!

i miss my family
i miss my friends
i miss winnie

i shall return soon, the month is halfway over.


06 October 2008


So last night was a goodnight. I have spent the past 5 days in Luke 10:38 - 42 asking God to make me like Mary. And every time I have thought He was finished and I could move on from it He says "nope, not through yet." so im learning about stillness and how to sit at his feet undistracted and listen to his teaching. Listen to His spirit teach me that only one thing is necessary. Also paired with the Luke verse has been psalm 27:4.

Had a picture last night during worship that I have been satisfied with a puddle and God told me that He is a ocean. oops! so, God's taking me into some deeper waters. Im trying to stay afloat. doing well so far. I'll let you know if i begin to drown.

ZHOP staff meeting beginning soon.
thats all for now.


03 October 2008


c.1330, "to turn upside down, to overthrow," from over + M.E. whelmen "to turn upside down" (see whelm). Meaning "to submerge completely" is c.1450. Perhaps the connecting notion is a boat, etc., washed over, and overset, by a big wave. Fig. sense of "to bring to ruin" is attested from 1529.

of all the definitions i found for this word, this seems to say most of what i mean.

It is the only word that comes to mind to sum up all that is going on.
Not in the negative sense of the word, but in a great fulfilling sense, my spirit is overwhelmed.
Im learning lots. Im actually (or at least i hope) soaking it all in, there's alot to process and alot to chew on in the things that I am taking in. More than i can regurgitate, at least this soon, of what God is doing inside me.

Of the things that I am beginning to see, I am learning about meditation and breaking through what they call a veil (not a wall, but a curtain that we get to push past) in the spirit. There are some really practical teachings that have really helped me engage with God.
One of the reasons I am here is to cultivate deeper intimacy with God and as I'm beginning that, I am realizing that becase i want to know Him, what He is showing me is much different than what i expected. Its less and i might even say not at all about me feeling closer to God, but more that God wants to share with me what HE cares about. It's interesting and i dont quite understand it all of course, but 3 days in and i can feel God stirring me, and planting seeds, humbling me, and teaching me things that i never knew about Him and my relationship with Him. It almost feels like i just began my life as a christian and Im realizing that i dont know a THING! its pretty darn cool, and not discouraging.

so i believe the definition i quoted up there says" to turn upside down, to overthrow. . .submerge completely and bring to ruin" yep thats pretty true and i love it.

I am really glad i get to be here, it feels right.

On top of all of this, im just so happy and excited about my relationship with Jenn. I told facebook, so some of you know, but Jenn and I are now official after spending a number of months praying about our relationship. I think she is the best thing ever and feel completely undeserving of such a righteous woman of God and I look forward to growing in our relationship. I miss her, alot.

im gonna find some dinner and then im looking forward to getting to spend the entire evening 8-12 in the prayer room.

leave me comments, i love reading them.


01 October 2008


made it to charlotte, after only one minor complication. had an hour delay, but i'm here and im very tired.

Had a grea time tonight meeting lots of people. and i promise as soon as i can gather my thoughts i will write them for you.


30 September 2008

departing part 2

We made it to KC safely and timely. It was a very nice drive though it took Jenn a while to wake up. :) we listened to some radiohead and matt pond PA and a great winnie 2005 mix cd. boarding flight to chicago in 10 minutes, then chicago to charlotte (i believe on the very same plane)
bye for now!

expect an update when i get to charlotte.



So, this morning i am packing up enough belongings for a month in Charlotte. Ready for the unexpected and anxious for what God has in store for me, but how can i really prepare myself for the unexpected? I have prepared my shoes and socks as well as some clean shirts, and my suitcase has my name on it and is probably even a little too heavy. But how does one prepare themselves to be completely removed from their pattern of work and busy-ness and moved into a lifestyle of undistracted devotion, spending 6 + hours a day praying, worshiping and pressing into God and searching His heart?
But i must tell you, by no means am I the least bit concerned. I will glady step into the doors of ZHOP and happily embrace what God wants to do in me ad through me. I cant wait to experience the spirit of God with these people who spend all their time searching out his heart.

I want to write a little bit more, but Jenn is gonna be here soon to pick me up, and i wanna be ready when she gets here, so ill finish later.


14 September 2008

enjoying my day off

Had a work day today at the church. We're trying to finish up the inside of our new building downtown. Its pretty exciting that after 6+years of church on teh wayyyy southside we get to finally have church downtown.

Afterwards, I had a beer with wayne and phil today at brew co. I like those guys. Wayne is gone too much for my liking. Hes out again for the week with work stuff. After that, we walked around downtown enjoying the coolness of the day. I think we're getting an early tease of fall weather, but i dont mind.

I was really honoured to get to lead part of the worship set this morning at the vineyard. Our first morning there and it was really meaningful for me.

I am doing all i can to get ready for next month at ZHOP. I am excited about going but i dont quite know what im getting myself into. Though I'm pretty sure I'm going to enjoy my time there, but can't quite prepare myself for it. I also failed to plan enough money in my budget for travel expenses. So I am trying to find a cheap flight to charlotte at the end of the month and trying not to worry about finances.
I spent the day at home and I wrote a note on facebook to let people know the goings on in my life. I dont often get days off in springfield, so being home today has been very relaxing.

Today i am thankful for Jesus, His grace and for friends who love Jesus.

still reading 1 John


1 John 4:18 (New American Standard Bible)

18There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.

I spent the evening molling over this scripture.
I want to be fearless,
to not worry.
I desire to be transformed
to live fearlessly in the love of Christ

Oh Lord, help me.